The Sponsor Trap: Why Smart Men Send Money to Thailand

Somewhere right now, a guy is sitting at his desk at home, sending money to a girl he met in Thailand three months ago. He thinks he's her boyfriend. He might be one of four.

This is the sponsor trap, and it catches smart guys more than anyone.

How it usually goes

You meet her on your trip, in a bar or on an app, and you have a great week. A really great week.

And when you fly home, it doesn't stop. She messages every day. Good morning, good night, I miss you, when you come back.

The long game: never a big ask at first

And then, a few weeks in, there's a problem. And it's never a big ask at first.

• Her phone is broken.
• Then it's the rent.
• Then somebody in the family is in the hospital.

And every time, you're the only one who can help. I call this the long game, and it's played very, very well.

Then comes the big one

She says she wants to stop working in the bar, for you. All it takes is a monthly amount, so she can stay home.

And that sounds like a love story. You're saving her. So you set up the transfer.

Think about it from her side

Think about it from her side for a second, because it's not evil. It's business.

One guy sending money every month is nice. Three or four guys, in different time zones, who all think they're the only one: that's a salary. And her phone makes that easy. It's just a few chats a day.

By the way. All of this, and a lot more, is in my Thailand Guide, so you know it before you land and not after.

Why smart guys fall for it

Because it doesn't feel like paying.

Paying in a bar feels like a transaction. Sending money to somebody who says she loves you feels like being a good man. And successful guys are used to solving problems with money, so that's what they do.

The signs to watch for

• She can never video call in the evening, her time, because she's at work.
• The stories change.
• There's always a new emergency right after the last one.
• And when you say you're coming to visit, she's not excited. She's nervous.

My rule: don't send money to Thailand

My rule is simple. Don't send money to Thailand. Not once, not a little, not for an emergency.

If you want to spend money on her, do it in person, when you're there, where you can see what it buys.

The moment money travels without you, you're not a boyfriend anymore. You're a subscription.

Already sending? The one-month test

If you're already sending, there's an easy test. Stop for one month. Don't explain. Just say things are tight.

If she's still there in a month, same messages, same warmth, good. Then maybe you have something.

And if the messages stop, then you have your answer. And it cost you less than another year would have.

Can a real relationship happen?

I'm not saying a real relationship can't happen. It does happen. But the real ones don't start with a transfer.

You can't buy your way into being the only one. So keep your money where you are, and go see her.

If you're planning a trip, I built the Thailand Guide for exactly this: more than 60 videos on how the nightlife really works, 3 eBooks, cheat sheets and checklists, and interactive maps with over 500 pins across Bangkok, Pattaya and Phuket. One payment, lifetime access, every update free.

Quick answers

Should I send money to my Thai girlfriend?

My rule: no. Not once, not a little, not for an emergency. If you want to spend money on her, do it in person, when you're there, where you can see what it buys.

What is a sponsor in Thailand?

A guy at home who sends money every month to a girl he met on his trip, often so she can stop working in the bar. He thinks he's her boyfriend. He might be one of three or four.

How do I know if she has other sponsors?

There are signs. She can never video call in the evening, her time. The stories change. There's always a new emergency right after the last one. And when you say you're coming to visit, she's nervous and not excited.

How can I test if it's real?

Stop sending for one month. Don't explain, just say things are tight. If she's still there in a month, same messages, same warmth, maybe you have something. If the messages stop, you have your answer.

Read next

• Thai Girls Using the Ruthless Long Game
• She's Not Your Girlfriend: How Thai Bar Girls Really See You
• Why Nice Guys Get Played in Thailand
• 3 Thailand Mistakes Will Wreck You
• Thailand Holiday Girlfriend: Ultimate Guide

This post is for adults and is my personal opinion. It talks about nightlife in general, and not about any person or place shown in the pictures. The signs are rules of thumb, not proof. Use common sense.