Why Nice Guys Get Played in Thailand (And Who Doesn't)

The guys who get played in Thailand are not the stupid ones. They're the nice ones. Polite, generous, don't want to make a scene.

And if that sounds like you, this might save you a lot of money.

How it works: nobody robs you, people ask

Let me explain how this works, because it's not what you think. Nobody picks your pocket. Nobody threatens you. What happens is, people ask. And you say yes.

It starts small.

• Another drink for her.
• Then one for her friend.
• Then the mamasan comes over, and it would be rude to say no, right?

Every single yes is small, and every single one is reasonable. And at the end of the night you're looking at a bill that makes no sense.

Why it works on nice guys

• A nice guy doesn't want to look cheap.
• He feels guilty saying no to somebody who's smiling at him.
• And he hates conflict. So when the bill is wrong, he pays it anyway, because arguing in a bar feels worse than losing the money.

And everybody who works in nightlife knows these three things about you before you sit down.

Being generous doesn't make people like you more

It gets worse. Being generous doesn't make people like you more. It marks you.

If you tip big on the first night, word gets around, and the next night everybody has a sick relative.

I call that the long game. Small asks, a phone, the rent, a hospital bill, and they add up. And overpaying is what puts you on the list.

By the way. All of this, and a lot more, is in my Thailand Guide, so you know it before you land and not after.

So who doesn't get played?

This is the part that's a bit controversial. It's not the rude guy. Rude guys have a terrible time in Thailand, and they deserve it.

It's the guy who's friendly and firm at the same time. He smiles, he jokes, and he says no without explaining himself.

Because no is a complete sentence, and in Thailand you can say it with a smile. "No thank you", and you keep smiling. Nobody is offended. They just move on to the next guy, and the next guy is nicer than you.

My 4 rules: friendly and firm

One. Agree on the price before, for everything. And I mean everything.

Two. You order the drinks, and you don't pay for drinks that somebody ordered for you.

Three. Check every bill, every time. And if something's wrong, you say it calmly and you point at it. The tricks to look for are in The Bill That Grows by Itself.

Four. Never pay more than what's normal just to feel like a good guy. If somebody asks for far too much, that's not a price, that's a message. It means she's not interested, or she thinks you're easy. I wrote about that in Why You Should Never Pay 5,000 Thai Baht.

Don't try to buy interest

One more thing about money. Don't try to buy interest. It doesn't work back home and it doesn't work here.

The moment you start paying extra so somebody likes you, you've told them exactly what you're worth to them.

Fair is respected. Generous is a target.

Now, I'm not telling you to be cheap. Pay what's fair, tip when the service was good, be a gentleman.

Fair is respected. Generous is a target. And the difference between the two is whether it was your idea.

So stay nice. Thailand is a great place for nice guys. Just be the nice guy who can say no.

If you're planning a trip, I built the Thailand Guide for exactly this: more than 60 videos on how the nightlife really works, 3 eBooks, cheat sheets and checklists, and interactive maps with over 500 pins across Bangkok, Pattaya and Phuket. One payment, lifetime access, every update free.

Quick answers

Why do nice guys get played in Thailand?

Because people ask, and a nice guy says yes. He doesn't want to look cheap, he feels guilty saying no to somebody who's smiling at him, and he hates conflict, so he pays a wrong bill anyway.

How do I say no in Thailand without being rude?

With a smile. "No thank you", and you keep smiling. No is a complete sentence, and you don't have to explain yourself. Nobody is offended.

Should I tip big in Thai bars?

Tip when the service was good, and pay what's fair. But a big tip on the first night marks you. Fair is respected, generous is a target.

How do I stop my bar bill from growing?

Agree on the price before, for everything. You order the drinks, and you don't pay for drinks that somebody ordered for you. And check every bill, every time.

Read next

• The Bill That Grows by Itself: 5 Bar Bill Tricks in Thailand
• The Sponsor Trap: Why Smart Men Send Money to Thailand
• She's Not Your Girlfriend: How Thai Bar Girls Really See You
• Thai Girls Using the Ruthless Long Game
• 3 Thailand Nightlife Mistakes Almost Everyone Makes

This post is for adults and is my personal opinion. It talks about nightlife in general, and not about any person or place shown in the pictures. Use common sense.