Old Men in Thailand: Losers, or the Only Ones Winning?

You've seen the picture. An older Western guy, walking down the street in Thailand, holding hands with a woman half his age. And everybody has the same word for him. Loser.

So let's talk about that guy, because I think most people have it backwards.

What people say about older men in Thailand

Start with what people say.

• He couldn't get a woman at home.
• He's paying for it.
• She's only there for the money.
• He's being used, and he's too dumb to see it.

And some of that is true. He is paying, in one way or another. And she probably wouldn't be there if he was broke. I'm not going to lie to you about that.

But here's my question. Compared to what?

The same guy at home

Because look at the same guy at home. He's 55, or 65. He's divorced, or he never married.

• On the dating apps, he doesn't exist.
• In a bar, nobody looks at him.
• And society has one plan for him: stay home, watch television, and be quiet about it.

And then he gets on a plane. And a day later, people smile at him. Women talk to him. He's somebody again.

You can call that fake. But he knows what it is. He's not confused. He made a decision.

By the way. All of this, and a lot more, is in my Thailand Guide, so you know it before you land and not after.

Who really loses in Thailand

Now here's the controversial part. I think the real losers in Thailand are not the old guys. I see three kinds of guys who lose there, and age has nothing to do with it.

The first is the guy who thinks it's love and sends his savings. That's the sponsor trap.

The second is the guy who moved there with no plan and drinks from noon.

The third is the guy who pays and pretends he doesn't, and looks down on everybody else. I call that invisible mongering.

Who wins, at any age

And the winner? The winner knows exactly what it is. It's a transaction, and that's fine.

• He keeps his money under control.
• He's kind to the people around him.
• He goes home when the trip is over.
• And he comes back when he feels like it.

That guy can be 30 or 70.

About the women

People forget they have a say in this. She's an adult. She made her choice too, and she's usually a lot better at this than he is.

Nobody in that picture needs your pity.

Travel there, don't live there

I say travel there, don't live there. Trips with breaks in between. That's what keeps it good, and that's what keeps you in the winner group.

And one last thing. The people who laugh the loudest at that old guy are sitting at home, on their phone, alone. And he's on a beach. So who's the loser?

Go where you're treated best. And let people talk.

If you're planning a trip, I built the Thailand Guide for exactly this: more than 60 videos on how the nightlife really works, 3 eBooks, cheat sheets and checklists, and interactive maps with over 500 pins across Bangkok, Pattaya and Phuket. One payment, lifetime access, every update free.

Quick answers

Why do older men go to Thailand?

Because at home, on the dating apps and in the bars, the older guy doesn't exist. In Thailand people smile at him and women talk to him. He knows what it is, and he made a decision.

Are old men in Thailand being used?

He is paying, in one way or another, and I won't lie about that. But he knows what it is. She's an adult who made her choice too. Nobody in that picture needs your pity.

Who really loses in Thailand?

Three kinds of guys, at any age: the one who thinks it's love and sends his savings, the one who moved there with no plan and drinks from noon, and the one who pays and pretends he doesn't.

Should I move to Thailand or just travel there?

I say travel there, don't live there. Trips with breaks in between. That's what keeps it good.

Read next

• Thailand: Go Where You Are Treated Best
• You Should Travel to Thailand, Don't Live There
• Invisible Mongering: Too Proud to Pay for Play?
• The Sponsor Trap: Why Smart Men Send Money to Thailand
• First Thailand Trip at Age 50

This post is for adults and is my personal opinion. It talks about nightlife in general, and not about any person or place shown in the pictures. The ages are an example. Use common sense.