Lone Wolf by Default: Why Bangkok Is Better Alone

This is a bit of a personal story. I have talked many times about traveling solo: if you have nobody to travel with, just do it by yourself, it is going to be fun. That is not what this is about.

This is about the day to day. You stay in one place, say Bangkok, and you hang out with friends. And what I have realized is this: I am a lone wolf by default.

Not because I dislike people. Not at all. But time and time again, when I do something with people versus by myself, in nine out of ten cases it turns out better when I do it by myself. Traveling. The gym. Going out. Filming.

I am very much inside my head

I don't mean that in a negative way. When people hear "you are always in your head", they think you are always thinking about negative stuff. For me it is the next project. Something I could do. Something I could film. Something I could improve.

And when I hang out with somebody, there is this person next to me who is distracting me from that.

The gym test

In theory it all sounds great. You have your buddies in Bangkok, you go out, you hit the gym together.

So a buddy of mine and I decided: we are going to the gym, it is going to be awesome. And I said, this time I follow your routine, whatever exercises you do, I do as well. I wanted to try something new.

It was a complete disaster. With his exercises, the way he does them, I did not feel anything. The breaks between the sets were too long. The whole thing lacked focus.

When I do it by myself, I put my headphones in and I am back in that internal world. I think about the next set and what it is going to feel like. That improves what I am doing in the moment. With another person there, it becomes an issue.

Who I enjoy hanging out with

So what is the problem? Is it me? Am I hanging out with the wrong people?

I think the problem, for me, is hanging out with somebody who is at the same level that I am at.

• Somebody way below me in some regard: I can teach that guy, help that guy. That is enjoyable, even if it is just going out and he doesn't know anything about nightlife.
• Somebody way ahead of me: I am interested in his opinion and his perspective. That is enjoyable as well.
• Somebody at the same level: I cannot really help him, and I cannot really learn much from him.

With the third one it gets boring so quickly that it almost negatively affects the rest of my day. After ten minutes it is: what did you do today, that is what I did today. And then we don't know what else to talk about.

What fun means to me

Maybe that is just me, but I need a purpose in everything. Even when I hang out with somebody. What is the point?

Somebody else might say: I am just having fun. But for me, fun is when there is some value or purpose behind it. You go to the gym because you want to become better. You have that long-term vision. That is what makes it fun.

Eating a cookie is not fun for me, because I am already thinking ahead: what happens after I eat the cookie? I feel bad about it.

I would think the majority of people cannot relate to this. They will say: what are you talking about, just have fun, go drinking. At times that is very difficult for me.

The same applies to women

To a degree, the same applies to women. I meet up with a girl, I like her, I meet her again. And then there is the point where we have talked about most things. I know a lot about her, she knows a lot about me. What else is there to do?

I can always do something different, a new area or a new park that she can show me. But unless she is doing something that really interests me, it is very difficult to keep that interest up.

And that has very little to do with looks. Even if she is exactly my type, if the personality side is lacking, it is very difficult. The same as with male friends.

Alone, you can change your plan in a heartbeat

Hanging out with somebody almost always feels like you have a child with you that you have to take care of.

You finish eating in the food court and you want to leave right away. But the child says: no, I want to sit here a little bit longer. Or you want to sit a little longer, and the child wants to go home because it is tired.

That feels almost like a burden. When you are by yourself, you never have to ask: do you want to sit, do you want to go, do you want to do this or that? You don't need to arrange anything. You change it in a heartbeat.

With many of my friends it is more enjoyable and more productive to do things on my own, and then, even daily, exchange thoughts on WhatsApp. Meeting in person almost always turns out to be a bit disappointing, unless there is something very specific we talk about or do.

The same goes for work. I could sit in a coworking space in Bangkok. But I am more productive in my condo, where I can focus on what I am doing rather than on what the people around me are doing.

In Thailand, the roles are switched

One more thought. In Thailand it almost feels as if the roles are switched.

In the West, it is easy to find buddies to hang out with, but dating is more difficult, with few options. In Thailand it is the complete opposite. For dating there are tons of options. But making male friends can be very difficult.

Two reasons. Number one, finding the right people. Number two, finding people who are actually here long-term, and not tourists who stay for a week or two. Then they leave, and you are by yourself again.

So that's my experience

Traveling, the gym, going out, dating, work: I find all of it more enjoyable when I do it by myself. I don't know exactly why that is.

Maybe you can relate. Maybe you think this is a bit weird. From time to time I need to share my thoughts, and this was one of those.

And if you worry about going to Thailand alone: don't. If you want a plan for it, that is what the Thailand Guide is for.

Quick answers

Is Bangkok good for solo travelers?

For me, yes. Almost everything I do there, the gym, going out, dating and work, I enjoy more by myself, because I can change my plan in a heartbeat and nobody has to agree.

Is it hard to make friends in Thailand as a foreigner?

Making male friends can be very difficult. First you have to find the right people. Second, most people are tourists who stay for a week or two, and then you are by yourself again.

Is dating in Thailand easier than in the West?

In my experience the roles are switched. In the West it is easy to find buddies and harder to date. In Thailand there are tons of options for dating, and making male friends is the hard part.

Read next

• Thailand: Go Where You Are Treated Best
• You Should Travel to Thailand, Don't Live There
• Old Men in Thailand: Losers, or the Only Ones Winning?
• Your First 24 Hours in Bangkok, Hour by Hour

This post is my personal opinion and experience.