Porn Made Me Numb – The Real Alternatives

Before I knew it, the damage had already been done.

A sort of digital cancer, I wish I’d never discovered it.

Preaching morals is not my thing and I won’t make an exception here. Porn isn’t wrong per se, nor do I recommend you quitting it. This is simply a documentation of experiences and the severe side effect which I’ve overlooked for too long.

I am far from being an addict or heavy user – weeks could go by without even thinking about jerking off. Still, looking back to pre-porn times, I’ve noticed some alarming changes.

The Creeping Desensitization

Years before ever browsing the web, I could look at a girls’ name on my phone and be aroused enough to masturbate to. Yes, I would simply see her contact info, or a cute TV host and come.

Arousal was built slowly, I would get goosebumps all over my body, and when I came, it wasn’t just an ejaculation, but one powerful full body orgasm. It felt amazing – my entire body freezing for a couple of seconds. To say the least, I was in touch with my body.

Unfortunately, things have changed when porn came into play. Nowadays, I need to bring in the big guns to get feel anything at all. I am talking about hardcore porn, and not just one clip, but an assortment. The longer and the more often I watch, the more extreme it gets.

Whenever I abstain for a couple of days, the moment I flip on porn again, I get aroused quicker and easier. Seeing a cute dressed girl is often enough to get a full erection. Say porn is harmless – I know it isn’t and desensitization is fucking real.

The scary part is that these side effects are fairly normal, but it can even get extremer. There’s guys who’s porn usage gets totally out of hand and to the point where they watch a fetish that they weren’t even interested in initially. Gay porn, shemales and a host of other things that I don’t even want to mention.

If that doesn’t scare you, I doubt that anything will. One guy even ended up visiting transsexual hookers, but lost his interest after quitting porn.

Real Life Porn

Let’s be realistic, there are no real alternatives. People wouldn’t watch porn if it weren’t for the easy access, unlimited variety and comfort. Online porn is unbeatable. Looking for an alternative, I was always willing to make a trade-off.

Ditching variety for the realness, or intensity of the experience. Then, there are great alternatives available.

The most obvious one being masturbation without porn. There’s a ton of ways to do it – and make it more enjoyable. From thinking about I girl I wanted to fuck, to practicing full body orgasms and eventually using the Fleshlight, I’ve experimented with many of these alternatives.

Once you get a taste of it, you won’t revert to digital pussy. Getting in touch with yourself and experiencing more intense orgasms is something porn can’t easily compete with.

Nothing beats real pussy though. The real deal will always be the best option, and if you can’t get laid otherwise, this means banging a hooker. The healthiest way to experience porn in real life. Anything you can think of.

Depending on your location, this might not be an option. If that’s the case, you are seriously in the wrong place. Banging hookers is something I’ve have always recommended and wrote about in in-depth.

Ultimately, I’ve noticed that horniness is not the catalyst for porn usage. It’s not obvious, but boredom is often the real cause. I am looking for a way to distract myself, the same way I use food. There rarely is a real physical need. In conclusion, another way to get off porn is to become aware of how and when you use it.

Horny? Fair enough, the alternatives above are the way to go. In any other case, solving the issue directly or finding alternatives – e.g. to deal with boredom – is a better solution.

Ultra Light Travel – My 2015 Travel Gear Revealed

Two weeks from now, I will be going on my first long trip since almost 2 years. I am pretty excited and can’t wait to experience the vibrating city life once again. I enjoy traveling comfortably – essentially taking less stuff with me and focusing on the experiences.

To some it might be shocking how little I carry with me, but I’ve found it to be a good combo of practicality and minimalism. If it doesn’t fit into hand luggage, I know it’s too much.

Sharing travel gear is an idea I came across on another blog and instantly liked it. Right before taking my first trip, it caused me to ponder about what’s essential and better left at home. This approach has worked well for me – now I am sharing my travel gear!

Samsung Serie 5 Thin & Light 535U3C-A03

Pretty light, thin and besides the shitty battery life, I am still happy with this purchase. It looks stylish is super-light and still runs perfectly well even after more than 2 years of daily usage. Definitely not a powerhouse, but a good fit for the work I do.

Nokia 101

I am using this super basic phone because it’s less of a distraction. With an iPhone in hand, there’s always the temptation to play around, but when that’s not an option, I am more present wherever I am. Writing text messages is a hassle, that forces me to write less and keep texts it short. I like the simplicity of this device, the great value for it’s price (~$20) and dual SIM function.

QUMOX SJ4000

If you’ve ever seen a helmet camera – this item is one of such kind. The Qumox is a super cheap (~$90) alternative to the popular GoPro. It comes with a ton of accessorizes and records in 1080p for a full 90 minutes before needing to be recharged. Additionally, I bought a 65GB Micro SD Card ($25) and a second battery ($10) so that I am well-equipped for Thailand.

What I like about the Qumox is the wide lens – it captures so much of what’s going on around you. Much of what you wouldn’t see on a regular camera.

Digital Voice Recorder

This is a little device I haven’t found much use for up until now. I recorded a couple of conversation – approaching girls on the street – but had it lying around most of the time. Having bought a new camera, I will be able to use this voice recorder as an external microphone in order to have crystal clear audio.

Vibram FiveFingers

If you’ve never seen these – look ’em up! They look hilarious and I’ve been asked about them a couple of times already during workout sessions. FiveFingers are very durable and most importantly provide a good stance during squats and deadlifts, something I am missing with cushioned shoes.

Gasp Power Wrist Straps

After I reached a certain weight with my deadlifts, these became a must. I have been using them ever since and am happy with the purchase. Past 80KG, I can barely hold the dumbbell and had to focus on holding the grip, now I am able to concentrate on the lifting motion.

Body Mass Tape Measure

I use it to keep track of measurements on my stomach, in order to get a better idea about my physique progress. The stomach is where I gain fat the first and lose it the last. Keeping track of measurements here helps to judge whether muscle or fat is gained/lost. Changes in weight aren’t much of an indication.

Supplements

The essentials I take anywhere include: Omega 3, Vitamin D3, Vitamin K Complex, Creatine, Vegan BCAA. Most of them are for general health purposes and taken daily, BCAAs are for muscle protection when I workout in a fastened state. The powder comes in blood orange flavor and tastes amazing.

Alpine Ear Plugs

Listing to loud club music is a thing of the past. These bad boys cancel out all background noises, but I’m still able to hold conversations and enjoy music in general. Prior to that, I had a ring in my ears after staying in a night club for more than a couple of hours.

I don’t just use these plugs for the club, but also at home when there’s people around and I need to really concentrate. In the future, I plan on testing them for sleep and on flights.

RFID Protective Passport Etui

This is something I’ve recently added to my gear in order to protect my passport while carrying it my pockets. I’ve noticed that without protection, the edges were off pretty quickly. The added bonus is that this etui has RFID protection, which means that data from the passport can’t be read out wirelessly.

Remington Beard Trimmer

I haven’t shaved or been to the barber in at least a couple of years and saved hundreds of dollar along the way. That’s not why I’ve done it – I just like the three-day stubble look. The Remington is very durable and working fine – even after 3 years. At times, I have also used it to shave my head.

Clothing, Underwear, Accessorizes

All of my clothing was bought from discount stores. Dirt cheap but surprisingly long-lasting. During workouts, I’m wearing short pants and a shirt, both of which are made from a “quick dry” material. I only wash this gear once a week, if at all.

The rest of my clothing consists of 6 pairs of socks, 6 boxers, 2 shirts, sneakers and a jeans. Combined, I’ve spent less than $150 on all of these items. Still baffled why people buy more expensive stuff when all of this is long-lasting.

Sneakers I am currently wearing were $9 and look similar to Converse.

Why pay more?

This sums up my travel gear, I didn’t mention small items such as charger cables, batteries and hygiene products – most of which change regularly.

Language Exchange Sex – My First Date (And Lay)

UPDATE 2018: This was originally posted a few years ago. While the experience was fun, today I would simply get an African freelancer in Bangkok instead – to save both time and money – and have a better sexual experience overall!

Language Exchange Sex … it’s quite an experience.

Don’t worry. No more lay reports. Ever.

When I moved to London in 2003, finding people with similar interests was easy. Meeting girls was a different story. Online dating came to mind, but it seemed to be too much work.

I speak a foreign language, there must be girls interested in language exchange.

Scanning through a couple of sites, I quickly found a couple of willing girls. From there on, it was as easy as setting up a profile, uploading a picture and blasting messages.

The two girls I ended up chatting with were 24 and 17, both practicing their Finnish.

Writing on WhatsApp quickly gets boring, and there’s few things I hate more than boring smalltalk. At a certain point, I either tune out or start talking rubbish. Self-amusement is an art, and at times, I feel like I have it down.

Speaking your mind is awesome and a great way to give yourself a laugh.

It might have been my comments, but the entire conversation turned sexual very quickly. A couple of days later, she had already sent a naked picture and it clearly wasn’t about language exchange anymore. We never articulated it, but now it was only about planning the hook up.

Language Exchange Sex … About To Happen

When we met at East India DRL, a metro station close to my crib, I felt quite at a pinch.

I’ve never met, kissed or fucked a girl before. Now, this girl was expecting a full-blown session right after the meetup.

The moment you’re about to die, this is what it must feel like.

I was nervous, really fucking nervous.

When I arrived, she was already waiting downstairs. I clearly saw her, but told myself otherwise, while still standing on the first floor. 5 minutes passed. Yes, I tried to bullshit myself out of the situation.

She calls. I don’t respond.

When I finally took the elevator downstairs, we met for the first time. In an attempt to break the ice, I initiate awkward smalltalk.

We walked back to the area I was living in, looking for a place to have coffee. She wanted to have coffee upon meeting. So, we wandered around for quite a bit while still pretending this is language exchange.

Poplar, London, is a great place to feed yourself with kebab, apparently not for coffee dates. It started getting cold and I suggested going to a nearby mall, one that had Starbucks.

Will you go upstairs and change?

To paint a clear picture, I was wearing a jogging suit and hoodie.

No, I certainly wasn’t changing anything. She suggested meeting another time, so I walked her back to the metro station. Farewell said, and I was heading back home.

Prior to this date, I had a clear goal in mind.

Make it last 10 minutes.

Goal accomplished, but I couldn’t deny my disappointment. After all, I thought this was a sure thing, that I was getting laid.

Back at home, I sent her one more message saying that it was hilarious and a bit weird. We both didn’t know what we wanted.

I knew what I wanted. I just wanted to have sex. lol

Not the response I expected.

Is this a fucking joke?

This girl had been super confident all along, she would’ve said something if that had really been on her mind. I was literally waiting for her to articulate what we both had planned.

She didn’t and I concluded she’s not interested.

When I talked to her afterwards, things started to make sense. I didn’t compliment her, in her mind I wasn’t interested. I, on the other hand, thought meeting up is a clear enough signal for my interest.

I told her to come back now, and half an hour later, she was knocking at my door. One would think the summit of awkwardness had already been reached. Apparently, not quite.

Life is full of surprises.

As we were sitting on my bed, I was too scared to make a move.

I know, this girl came to get fuck and I was still bitching out. Raw masculinity, right there. Without any prior experience, it seemed to be a bit too much, too fast. After all, I only met her minutes ago.

Oh my God, this is so awkward!

I couldn’t have agreed more. She tells me to lie down and things go primal. Statistically speaking, this went down as sex, although it didn’t looking anything like it. I was so nervous, an entire pack of Viagra wouldn’t have done much.

African Girl London

What about the other girl?

She also ended up sending me naked pictures, but we never met. I wanted to stay in touch with both of them, but things went south.

When I read this stupid pickup advice that you should never lower your standards and only ever go with your perfect girl, I cut out both of them. We never talked again.

Well, that’s the story of how language exchange sex can happen. Really nothing spectacular and if you ask me, “language exchange” is often times only a code for “hook up“.

How is language exchange sex different to regular dating?

It’s not really much different except that you and the girl are usually from different countries or culture – adding a certain exotic factor, which can make things easier.

Of course, for the girl, it’s easier to meet/hook up because the overall excuse is that you’re simply doing an innocent language exchange.

Screw Experts – Become Your Own Authority

I don’t trust doctors. At least, not entirely.

Honestly, I feel blessed that I’ve enjoyed superb health for most of my life. Never head any severe diseases, only minor issues here and there.

I couldn’t expect what a routine screening at my dentist would reveal.

Little did I know that a had a gum infection near one of the back teeth. It was already well-advance with pus all over the place.

Very nasty stuff, not something you want to search on Google images.

After the x-ray, the dentist recommended to pull the tooth, but first refereed me to a dental surgeon at the hospital. He would be expert enough to make a final decision and carry out the procedure.

This was the last thing I wanted to hear. I wasn’t freaking out, but close to it. I’ve always considered teeth very precious. Difficult and expensive to replace.

The supposed expert at the hospital came to the same conclusion. Pull the tooth, disinfect the area and let it heal.

Worse yet, I would have to cover the expenses. Apparently, paying $250+ per month doesn’t mean my health insurance covers the basics.

At first, I felt a bit helpless. I wanted to keep all my teeth, but two experts had just told me I shouldn’t. Before making a final decision, I decided to get another dentist’s opinion.

However, this guy didn’t talk much at all.

Instead, he took care of the problem right away. When I told him about what his colleagues recommended, he was quite shocked. Less than 10 minutes later, I was on my way home.

That was more than 2 years ago. Luckily, I haven’t had any issues ever since.

  • What lesson have I learned?
  • Doctors are dishonest?
  • Don’t trust others?

Most doctors work hard to ensure their patients’ well-being and have good intentions. The offer solutions based on THEIR knowledge.

However, this is where trouble begins.

The surgeon was trained to operate, that’s what he does all day. If you ask the butcher what you should eat, he will recommend meat.

People’s motivations are versatile and self-interest always plays a role. Most people put themselves first. This is only natural.

A doctors’ hidden agenda might be to reduce his risks or receive a commission. This is not a problem per se, only when you take advice as absolute truth.

Simply put, there’s no difference between a doctor and a salesperson. Both offer solutions out of the options available to them. It’s not their job to consider all possible options, or make sure it’s in your best interest.

Experts are advisers and coaches, not Gods.

How many people lost money in a shady investment?

It’s comfortable and people often take the easiest route. Blindly trusting an expert is easier than educating yourself. The result, however, is often devastating. People get burned, lose all their money and never invest again.

Family, relatives, friends – I could name at least a dozen people. Hell, I am guilty of it myself.

When stock prices were soaring, I decided to model my friends’ investment strategy. The investment company declared bankruptcy, I lost all my savings. A couple of years later, I ended up getting back a portion of the money through a law suit.

Self-education is the only way to make informed decisions. Collecting a wide variety of information from trustworthy sources. That could include searching online and meeting people in person. It does takes a lot more time and effort, but is worth it in the long-run.