Using Questions To Reinvent Yourself

It was one of the things I didn’t pay particular attention to, at least initially, but came across time and again. No doubt, questions don’t seem spectacular or particularly useful in our daily experience of life.

A single question doesn’t seem to have a lot of impact, or so it seems. Yet, if the same question is asked over and over again, it will most certainly effect how you feel, act and the results you produce. Most of this is happening without our awareness, like an unconscious pattern.

Asking and answering questions in our heads, is, simply put, what we consider “Thinking”. We all do it, all the time and mostly without consciously directing the orchestra. The overwhelming majority of our thinking is habitual, unconscious and repeated day after day.

In order to actively take control of this process, we need to be aware of our thinking – in particular of the questions we ask repeatedly throughout the day. This is even more important when dealing with negative thinking patterns.

It could be something like

  • “Will I mess it up again?”

or

  • “What could go wrong here?”

Admittedly, there’s probably a place and time for any question. However, when you go into a social situation asking yourself what could go wrong, you’re just asking for trouble.

Instead, one could ask,

  • What will be fun about this interaction?

or

  • How can I amuse myself talking to these people?

Much better, yet it also depends on the context. Probably inappropriate for a business meeting. Anyway, you get the idea.

However, even beyond that, I’ve found that quality questions are often the catalyst for positive change. A lot of times when I felt frustrated for couple of days in a row, I probably asked myself something like

  • Why do I have to do this?

or

  • Why am I not living the lifestyle I want?

And asking myself these questions, I literally never break the cycle of frustration or deal with whatever is bothering me.

Instead, asking,

  • What am I currently dissatisfied about that I need to address urgently?

will yield a specific answer, something I can take immediate action on and improve.

  • The quality of our lives is the quality of the questions we ask ourselves on a consistent basis.

If I am constantly thinking (asking myself) why it is so difficult for me to meet women and whether I will ever be able to fix this – it will only yield an answer of the same quality.

However, if I pause and actually come up with a quality question, such as,

  • How can I fundamentally change how I interact with women by starting with small, simple steps and building up each day for an extended period of time?

or

  • How can I make meeting women more enjoyable?

– Then totally new answers come to mind, ones that lead in a completely different direction and stimulate thinking about new possibilities.

Questions won’t change your life overnight, but they are an easy way to shift thinking. This is especially useful when you’re in a negative state of mind. Coming up with a better question about the situation will most likely instantly change how you feel.

Making The Journey Enjoyable

An essential part of life consists of achieving certain milestones – the goals we’ve set for ourselves. And while the journey will always be paved with obstacles and surprises, it can still be an enjoyable experience. The daily routines and rituals make up most of what we call life, moments where ends are met only a fraction.

Thus, there is no denying that daily routines are super important.

Goals are the content of life, routines are the frameworks through which they are achieved. Both are equally important and closely intertwined.

Most of my current frustrations are related to this. While I am well on track with most of my goals, my current lifestyle and routines are still far from what I’d like them to be. I’ve sat down and thought about what such an ideal day would look like.

Setting: warm climate and low costs of living.

I wake up to sunshine around noon, down a large glass of water, get my BCAAs (for fasted training) and head off to the gym. Every day is workout day, however, I only do heavy lifting 3 times per week. On the other days, I do ultra light cardio, simply to break a sweat and as cardiovascular training.

Afterwards, I take a shower and get myself fresh. It’s still lunchtime and I am ready for a quality meal consisting of fresh, organic vegetables and a protein source (e.g. salmon). On workout days, I add significantly more carbohydrates.

Now that I’ve taken care of my body, I spend the entire afternoon working on a variety of projects. I might do that in a library, or a co-working space with like-minded people around, whom I’ve already met. Some of them are friends I hang out with regularly. On some days, I am outside creating video content, or doing social experiments. When needed, I call up a cameraman – especially when I need to do hidden camera work or be in the picture myself.

Work ends around 8, which is when I get my second and last meal of the day. I am joined by friends or a girl I am dating. Again, only the best fresh and organic food. I switch meals occasionally, simply for variety and to have a more balanced diet. The foods I eat are fresh off the streets or from a restaurant. Additional supplements are taken daily.

The rest of the day is spent winding down. I might go on a date, meet a female friend or friends in general. Eventually, I might go out clubbing or simply enjoy the city with company.

My daily rituals are habitual, I enjoy a consistent sleep schedule and get plenty of quality sleep each night. When I wake up, I am well rested and ready to tackle the day!

This is it, my ideal day. Far from what I am living now, but doesn’t seem unrealistic either. I am looking forward to my Thailand trip, which I will use to spend an entire month experiencing and seeing first-hand whether I actually like this lifestyle!

Pay Sex: My Experience With Hookers

The first girl I fucked was a hooker. There I said it.

Frankly, it was a huge deal at the time. I haven’t been intimate with or even kissed a girl and wanted to get it over with. There were simply too many questions that I wanted to have answered, so I forced myself. Pay Sex seemed like the quickest solution to  my problem. With my heart racing and whole body shaking, it took over 6 attempts to finally get the job done.

No, it wasn’t fun at all.

Standing outside the brothel, I couldn’t get myself to go in.

Questions racing through my mind.

  • Will anybody see me go in?
  • Will there be a group of women staring at me once I go through the door?

Only a couple of weeks earlier, this would’ve been the last thing I could see myself doing. Despite having no other options to get laid, I told myself, I wouldn’t be that much of a loser having to pay for sex.

Now, about to enter the whorehouse, it has become an alternative gateway to get comfortable around women, gain experience and solve a host of related problems, or so I thought.

On the 3rd visit, I finally went in. And realized that…

…it was NOTHING like I thought it would be.

It actually looked more like a hotel, each girl had her own room with pictures attached to the outside of the door. You could simply browse through the entire house and see if you liked anything.

There were other guys flocking in too. Regular guys, not the low life losers I had pictured in my mind.

Still, the idea of actually having sex was too nerve-wrecking. At some point, I just knocked at a door and asked about the prices. Then I left, the girl pretty pissed that I just wasted her time.

A couple days later, I went to another girl (there’s a weekly rotation), but this time she declined, saying that she senses we’re not a match. I was still nervous as hell.

I took a different approach next time and started with a blowjob. From there on, it was easier and I went for the full package the next time.

However, nothing worked as planned (especially not my dick), so even the first 2 times when I had intercourse, I could not get it up – too nervous.

Needless to say, I had lots of misconceptions about pay sex, the women involved and overall the entire experience.

Loser Do Pay Sex

I am undesirable, no other woman will take me.

Paying a women for sex is the last resort of a man failing to get laid. Once you do it, you are branded for life.

Admittedly, there’s probably a percentage of these men. They simply see no other feasible way to get laid (with the women they want.) It might be the age difference or a specific fetish – there’s many reasons.

However, people I know who have or still occasionally pay for sex, are almost exclusively doing extremely well with the ladies. Some of them are dating coaches, others get laid every weekend. For them, it’s not a big deal, they get laid anyway and paying a hooker doesn’t magically make them a loser.

Not a single fuck is given. (Besides the one paid for.)

Guys that struggle with women – that’s a different story. For them, paying for sex is a dent to their self image. They would rather miss out on experiences, or argue about how it’s just a wimp’s way to avoid rejection, than, you know, just giving it a try and deciding afterwards.

Prostitutes might be able to offer different sexual experiences than regular girls. After all, fucking is what they do all day long, it’s what they are supposed to be good at.

STDs – Nasty Souvenirs

Any time you get intimate with someone, there are risks involved. Contracting something nasty has been a major concern.

At the same time, I believe to be much safer with hookers than regular girls. The places I went to require these professionals to have protected sex – under penalty of getting banned from the establishment. These women were very strict, at times even anal about hygiene and protection.

This makes perfect sense. Their income depends on their health (certificate).

Consider the average girl who isn’t quite as seasoned to always act rationally. It’s easy to get overwhelmed during foreplay and skip using a condom.

She rationalized, this is a rare occasion, it doesn’t even matter.

Then you hear,

We don’t need this, I just want to feel you.

A proven recipe for playing the disease lottery.

Crack Whores – Only A Myth?

Few women fantasize about fucking dirty old man for money. Prostitution exist due to lack of better alternatives.

There’s not many other ways for a women to earn money that quickly. Perhaps doing porn, or marring rich.

A regular job would only provide a fraction of that income.

I am talking about $100-200+ per hour.

They aren’t obligated to take every customer, I’ve experienced it first-hand.

What makes these women different to regular girls is mainly their good looks and high self-confidence. Yes, they are normal to talk to.

Street hookers are a different breed.

I haven’t tried any yet and probably never will. This is where stereotypes of HIV infected, heroine addicted whores might actually be true. Perhaps not the best place to get your pay sex journey started.

  • I rather pay a bit more, get quality and stay safe.

Hookers aren’t that different to people you meet anywhere else.

You like and connect with some of them, others you can’t stand. Except for one occasion, all of the women I banged looked exactly as promoted on their pictures. They were all, more or less, trying to provide a good service.

Given you have realistic expectations and are fairly normal, you can expect an overall good experience. By realistic expectations, I mean you don’t think she’ll do more than agreed upon, or even meet you in private for a free bang.

In conclusion, taking money out of the equation and unless you have a constant stream of premium girls, pay sex is definitely worth the experience. There’s so much to see and do that you won’t get anywhere else.

Beyond sexual practices and fetishes, there’s all sorts of erotic massages. Hell, even I have only experienced a tiny portion of what’s available out there.

Perhaps the biggest risk with pay sex is that once you’ve had a naked hooker in bed, most regular girls will pale in comparison. Your standards will certainly be different afterwards.

 

The Sweet Spot – Enjoyment Versus Achievement

A wise teacher once told me, “If you don’t enjoy it, you will never do it long-term“. And while he had the appearance of a homeless person and charged $25 for his seminar, I found this quote to be true.

Anytime I consider quitting something, I remind myself of this quote and instantly know what’s wrong. Take dating for example. Especially when it’s frustrating (almost the entire time), I know that it’s not the women, but how I approach things and what I am focusing on.

Nearly all of the people I know either struggle with or don’t enjoy dating – or gave up altogether. I can understand why, because nobody will actually persevere indefinitely in the absence of enjoyment. At some point, you will simply lower your standards or change your goal.

If you set out to find your dream girl and that doesn’t happen, despite your going through a process you hate for an extended period – eventually, you’ll settle for an okay girl that crosses your way.

A skill that takes years to master can’t be attained without a long-term commitment. And that in turn, is only possible with some sort of an enjoyment along the way, even if it’s just the small improvements that cheer you up.

If that’s not working, it’s probably time to shift the focus on to a different outcome. From getting laid to, let’s say, taking a certain action. At least something you feel good about afterwards and are able to self-generate positive emotions from on a regular basis.

Especially when it comes to women, I’ve been too focused on only doing things which have proven to work. Yet at the same time, they have made me feel miserable because I wasn’t doing what I would enjoy. For example, being rather direct is something I actually enjoy. It’s fun, easy and it actually feels good to speak your mind.

However, when it comes to dating, it’s more often than not better to think twice about what you say. Especially if you’re horny and want to get laid. Yet, I would love to just speak my mind – despite ruining it all.

That’s why I thought about doing different challenges simply to revive the fun. One could consist of always speaking my mind around any woman I am interested in for an entire month. I don’t care about whether I burn my interactions. (Which I probably will.)

Afterwards, I will judge how it felt and whether I want to continue going this route or take on a different challenge.

Instead of going up and doing the regular spiel of “You cute; want to meet you; let’s do drinks!“, (I don’t actually like drinks, nor going to bars.) I might say, “I want to meet you for X and then perhaps fuck at your place because I live with my friends and don’t want to bring girls back home.

Yes, most girls will probably turn down that offer because it’s quite polarizing. However, being so direct might also free up a lot of mental RAM, I never have to think ahead and it’s more authentic than anything else. I am wondering how it will feel.

Enjoying the process isn’t about putting achievement aside, it’s about customizing a skill set in a way that you enjoy taking action AND get results. My preference would certainly include a direct and blunt style of communication. It’s bold, and most importantly, I feel alive afterwards – no matter what the outcome.