Fleshlight – My Fuckbuddy Never Turns Me Down

Sex is nothing like masturbation.

My first sexual encounters were awkward, emotionless and odd.

I was lost in my thoughts, nervous as hell and had even less of an idea about fucking that I do now. A couple of girls later, sex became somewhat enjoyable and more than simply a biological obligation.

My first girl was a Cuban hooker, a Latina in her mid-twenties. Nice body, big tits and full lips. I had looked her up online beforehand and pictured what it would be like. Sex, after all, must be similar to jerking off.

I take the obligatory shower, lie down. She starts to blowing me.

No erection.

Somehow she manages to sit on top and ride my cock. Quite amazing, if you consider that it was limp. Things are still awkward, but now we shake things up. I position myself behind her. There’s mirrors all around.

Fuck yeah, this looks just like porn.

Then I put my semi-hard dick in and start banging her from behind. Confusion. I look at the side mirror, down on the girl’s ass and at the mirror again. Questions come to mind.

This is sex, why does it feel like shit?

Why does everyone else seem to enjoy it?

The girl was hot, but it made no difference. I was just going through the motions.

I tell her, “Let it be“.

Then, a bit of honesty – I say what had been on my mind.

You are beautiful and everything, but fucking you was complete shit.

Little did I know that it wasn’t her fault.

After that, I gave things another try, banged a hooker and even went to an hour-long erotic massage. None of it helped solve the issue, but it got me thinking about solutions. I couldn’t have know that things were about to get weirder.

  • Was I too nervous?
  • Did I pick the wrong condoms?
  • Were the girls not hot enough?

A couple of days later, I planned on getting different condoms at the sex shop. I thought the previous ones might have been too tight.

Nervously browsing through the shop, I noticed a device that looked like a vagina. I glanced at it from the distance, taking a closer look would’ve been too embarrassing. After all, it looked fucking weird.

I didn’t know what it was, but looked it up online and quickly came across the Fleshlight. If you’ve never seen one, it will probably weird you out. At less than $100, I said fuck it (no pun intended), why not, at least I am able to practice in an relaxed environment.

The First Fuck, A Quickie

When the parcel arrived, I couldn’t wait to give it a try. Once unwrapped, I submerged the device in warm water for 10 minutes.

That made the inside of the Fleshlight warm and cozy.

In the meantime, I flipped on my laptop and watched some porn.

When I felt “ready”, I took the Fleshlight out of the sink, let the water drip off and sat down in front of my laptop again. In the porn, the guy started fucking the girl, so I go started as well.

I wasn’t prepared for what it would feel like.

A hole, warm, moist and tight at the same time. It couldn’t argue that real sex was better. After a few seconds, I had to pause. As you can expect, it was an intense experience.

The Best Moment Of My Life?

I don’t know, but a million times better than masturbation. I continued for another couple of minutes and when I couldn’t hold it anymore, came gloriously.

Holy shit, what an experience!

Porn still running in the background, I had to relax for a couple of seconds.

When it was all over, I just let water rinse through it and let it dry. Before hiding this thing in my closet again, I put on some renewing powder.

The goal was to practice for real sex, I started to experiment.

  • Doggy-Style – Putting it between 2 pillows on my bed, bang! Fucking awesome.
  • Missionary – Seriously, I didn’t come up with this weird idea. Nonetheless, it does work. Taking a shoe, putting a couple of pillows on top and penetrate. Just like the real thing.

Beyond fun and play, I started using it for stamina training. The bottom can be adjusted to make it more tight, the pussy.

After a week or two, I was able to perform for 15 minutes, which was roughly 2,000 continuous strokes. It’s a great way to practice delaying ejaculation, or not coming at all. Porn usage is mandatory, otherwise you’re missing the arousal. That’s what I learned the hard way.

Reaching 3,000 strokes, I saw myself already at porn star level. Then I fucked a girl. 30 Seconds – Game Over!

I had simply practiced without being fully aroused.

If all of this seems crazy, I am with you. But it’s a hell of a lot of fun!

The exact setup I used:

Using the wrong lubrication after the original had been empty, turned out to be a huge mistake. The Fleshlight became sticky and I had to throw it away. Taking proper care by cleaning it after each session and using the powder is key.

Treat it right and it will be a dear friend in lonely moments.

Smoker’s Trap – Or Why I Eat Organic

Health and fitness play an important role in my life and when I’m not currently frustrated or totally overwhelmed, I tend to make superior food choices. However, eating fresh, organic and possibly Vegan meals usually requires an additional effort.

Not only is it often more expensive, finding the right sources and foods is more complicated than grabbing the candy bar from next to the checkout counter. Eventually though, I started to question the entire thing.

I’ve learned to be skeptical about the status quo, which is probably a result of my fetish for independence.

Up until a couple of months ago, I have never consistently eaten healthy but still feel great. No health issues that are currently present.

  • Does organic food really make a difference health-wise?
  • Is it worth paying the extra costs buying Vegan meals?
  • Should I really add vegetables to every meal or are they redundant anyway?

Basically, I was questioning the entire concept of healthy eating and whether it wasn’t just propaganda or exaggerated claims health food companies had created in order to spike revenues – just like many supplement companies still do.

I am still healthy, never had issues. Why should I suddenly switch to healthier choices?

This made a lot of sense. Until I realized something…

What I  am saying here is no different than a life-long smoker claiming

Hey, I am smoking, but still feel great, why should I stop?

It’s the ultimate formula for never changing anything, remaining with the unhealthy and possibly deathly habit.

There is no certainty that either quitting or continuing to smoke will make a difference to longevity, just like we’ll never know whether eating healthy will prevent and inhibit certain diseases.

I for one have decided to invest in better food and risk wasting time and financial resources (to an extend) instead of finding out it could’ve made a difference and feeling sorry.

Anywhere You Go, You Are Still Here

Now first off, I am not a seasoned traveler by any means, but I do have some experience to base this off. I’ve been to 3 continents and spend almost 2 years abroad since I went on a solo journey almost 4 years ago.

Anyway, on my first trip to Asia, I had this weird experience that stuck with me the entire time. First noticed at Moscow airport where I had my connecting flight, but not to the same extent. Here I was, thousands of miles away from good ol’ home, couldn’t read nor pronounce any of the words, and neither did I understand any parts of this funny sounding language. (I really can’t imagine any other Asian language sounding more gay than Thai.)

Yet, nothing seemed different from home. It’s hard to capture what I was feeling and describe it with words, but at times, I needed to remind myself that I was actually on the other side of the planet. It felt like the homeless person on the street in Bangkok was the same person from my home city, only looking Asian. The shop assistant, the workers on the street – they all were the Asian counterparts of people I’ve already met.

It almost felt like none of which was happening around me actually reached the threshold where I would pay close attention. I expected this to be totally exciting and overwhelming.

It wasn’t. Sure, new experiences and opportunities all-around, but “it” never hit me. The culture shock – it never kicked in.

At some point throughout the trip, I realized that perhaps I’m getting used to all of this. Not in a negative way, but I’ve simply done enough traveling by myself, that no trip is a big deal anymore. This perhaps is also an indicator that I need to challenge myself in other ways in order to grow and feel alive. Regular traveling doesn’t seem to cut it anymore.

Another thing, which surprisingly took me a couple of years to realize, was that personal issues are always part of the carry-on luggage. It doesn’t matter where I go, the issues, anxiety and insecurities always join me. They might come in a different forms, or not at all during the initial honeymoon phase in every location, but eventually it all goes back to the status quo.

This has been one of the illusion I’ve been operating under, thinking that somehow, somewhere else things would be fundamentally different. At least when it comes to short-term stays, it’s no different than home. Nowadays, I have the awareness, knowing what really to consider when going abroad, such as costs of living, food quality, culture and people – and still know that I will have to deal with any of my personal B.S.

Traveling and actually immersing myself in a new culture are one of the most rewarding experiences I can think of. Having cut through the self-fabricated illusions, I can now more than ever appreciate what some of these wonderful places have to offer.

Radical Honesty – Rescue Or Pathway To Hell?

I am a big fan of simplicity and nothing seems more basic than this.

Speak your mind. Say what you think and feel.

Don’t worry about saying the right thing, just let it out.

Try being honest for more than a day, and you’ll see that it’s hard.

Freakin’ hard.

Telling white lies is the easy way out, the hassle-free approach most people take. If there were better alternatives, we wouldn’t bullshit so much. Lying has become second nature, we don’t notice it anymore. Over the years, however, this leads to unhappiness and mental disorders.

Dr. Blanton is a rather unpleasant bloke and his book’s title “Radical Honesty” suggest that you’re in for a harsh wake-up call.

The ideas are radical and so are the results. Sleeping with 700 women isn’t a small feat for any psychotherapist.

Granted, I was eager to learn about his methods.

Summer 2011, Barcelona – I was heavily into reading pickup and seduction material, at a time where most methods either included deception, lying or manipulation. I felt like an idiot trying to trick women into bed, yet worse, it seemed like a lot of work.

Blanton’s approach was different and of the simplest nature.

Be honest, be direct. Whether it’s women, or life – there’s no difference.

Clearly, this is something for personal relationships, not a way of talking to your boss or colleagues.

Honesty doesn’t come easy, it’s a skill that requires strength and the willingness to be vulnerable, to let your guard down. It’s always weird, painful and sometimes even awkward.

The idea of hurting a loved one makes you cringe, so you fabricate a story.

At the same time, you take the worst action possible and continue the cycle of bullshit. Instead, tell the truth and risk hurting the other. While this sounds insane, it helps create deeper and stronger relationships over the long term. Over time, any hurt will subside. This is a natural process that won’t let you down.

Radical Honest doesn’t come in a gift back and lacks short-term benefits. In fact, at the beginning, you can expect a truckload of negative emotions coming right at you. Don’t lose faith, push through it and experience a new level of freedom in your life. Speaking your mind will transform everything, especially how you interact with friends and family.

This method – being direct – isn’t about getting others to like you, or even achieving a certain outcome. It’s a purely egoistic approach, a painful, yet straight-forward way to come clean with yourself. Building a healthy connection with yourself and others is the priceless reward.

Radical Honesty by Dr. Brad Blanton presents simple ideas to transform your life. Unfortunately, explaining these ideas doesn’t take long, and the remainder of this book consists of boring stories, irrelevant content and a series of promotions for expensive seminars.

You know, the ones where you get filmed naked.

I am not kidding you, go read the book.